Finding Happiness within Misery
Being 25 has shown me so much of myself of who I was, who I was trying to be, and who I'm growing into. It has given me a glimpse of actually looking in the mirror and saying "Damn, DJ you're finally understanding who you are and you're discovering you're purpose." For so long I felt like I had to prove a point to people instead of proving a point to myself. I set goals, I made plans, I wrote out my "5 year plan", and guess what ? I'm nowhere near any of them. Why ? Because for so long I have been a person when the plans I've made doesn't go the way I want them to go, I give up. I throw it away, like I never came up with it and fall back into a corner in which I felt defeated. I've been a person where I create a process but never trust it. I put my heart and soul into something and when I get negative feedback I shut my creation, my journey, and myself down. I kept trying to find the easy way out or trying to find other alternatives instead of just trusting my journey and following through my process of something I care so dearly for.
One Sunday, while attending church, my pastor said something that almost knocked me off the pew. He said that sometimes we fall short from our own blessings because we are so busy trying to follow our own plan that we forget that God already has a plan for us. I realized I kept running away from God's plan. I kept downing myself when I didn't get the results that I wanted. I kept giving up when I didn't receive the feedback that I wanted. I was blaming everyone but MYSELF. I was fighting MYSELF. I was killing MYSELF. But I've learned now to only trust in myself, trust my process, trust God's process, and continue to follow God's plan.
After that Sunday of hearing the Word that I needed, life changed. I find myself naturally waking up in the morning having praise and worship before I start my day. I've learned how to pray better and appreciate life, and all it's ups and downs that it throws my way. Most importantly I've learned to accept the fact to choose Happiness over Misery and grow in the belief of knowing that with GOD anything is possible. It's such an amazing feeling to where it almost feels healthy. Scratch that. It does feel healthy. It feels great to only focus on your own blessings and maintain in being competition with yourself. Learning new ways to make yourself grow. Establishing a connection with God to where it feels so surreal but breathtaking at the same time. It's like creating your own world to live in that's just for you.
Choosing God, helps you release so much dead weight that was holding you back from your greatness. It opens your mind, clears your heart, and cleanses your soul to achieve the feeling of satisfaction with knowing "I'm walking into a path of what's destined for me". This feeling, once you grasp it, is something you will never want to let go. No one can take that feeling from you, and you won't allow anyone to. It took me a while, but I'm finally understanding ME, understanding my happiness, my strengths, and most importantly my heart. I'm grateful. I'm blessed. I'm happy. Being in that kind of heavenly atmosphere only gives me the push now to continue my journey, follow God's path, and have faith in my projects, my heart, my strength, and my God.